Tag: forgiveness

25 Best Prayers and Reflections for Lent – 2024

Posted on by Donna Snow

What is the significance of Lent? I had no clue for the first two decades of my life. All I had heard was that some people would “give something up” (like chocolate) but I didn’t know why.

Lent is a 40-day spiritual preparation to celebrate Jesus Christ’s resurrection on Easter.

Lent serves as a time to meditate on the suffering that Christ endured on our behalf. It also provides an opportunity to reflect upon our own Baptism and what it means to live as a child of God.

The Lenten season begins on Ash Wednesday and ends at sundown on Maundy Thursday (also called Holy Thursday, one day before Good Friday). 

Lent in the Church

As in the early Church up to today, there are observances in the United States and around the world when we remember Jesus’ birth, baptism, death, resurrection, and ascension. Why? Because we would not have the hope of eternal life without Jesus.

Each of those Church observances includes a time set aside to prepare for the major events of Jesus’ life, ministry, and the kingdom of God.

Church worship gatherings reflect a more penitential tone during Lent. On the liturgical calendar, purple is the traditional color during Lent since it is often associated with penitence. Some churches offer mid-week penance services or an evening prayer time.

The word “alleluia” is usually omitted from the Church’s liturgy. Alleluia is a joy-filled phrase meaning “Praise the Lord.” Easter ushers in the alleluias which sets Lent distinctly apart from the rest of the year.

The Church’s décor usually reflects a more somber tone, as well, which creates a powerful contrast with the jubilant celebration of Jesus’ resurrection.

Lent Daily Practices

Lent includes a more reflective and penitential time. It offers time for a good examination of conscience with open hearts to see whether our lives truly reflect Jesus’ love that honors His sacrifice. 

Personally, each day during Lent includes a time of silence, a good and honest confession time, and saying the Lord’s prayer. 

I spend time re-reading the four Gospels to keep Jesus’ teachings fresh about how He interacted with people. He spent much time with His Father in prayer. I also offer prayers of praise that our true home in heaven has been secured by Jesus.

Throughout the day I pause for times of silent prayer to reflect on the mercy of God, Jesus’ perfect ways, and how I can show His love to others.

Interestingly, I find myself listening more closely to those around me and what is going on in their lives. Even though Lent represents a short time in the year it is spiritually very powerful.

bible study

Lent Begins on Ash Wednesday

Ash Wednesday sets the spiritual stage to walk through the next forty days of Lent. 

There is no requirement to give up anything for Lent (like chocolate, shopping, etc.). However, if you do, the idea is that everything you think about the thing you gave up you pray instead. 

These prompts are designed to set your mind on Christ, including words of assurance and time of confession. 

I pray that these 25 prompts for prayers of confession go a long way to prepare your hearts and minds. 

prayer

Free Bible Study for Lent

I have written a four-week Bible study called “The Stripes That Healed.” It is based on Isaiah 53:5, which is perfect for Lent:

“But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed” (Isaiah 53:5).

You can download it free right here.

25 Prompts for Prayer and Confession

May these bless you as you draw close to Christ Jesus with your whole heart during Lent.

1. God’s Grace

Prompt: In the season of Lent I prepare to receive the Easter gift of resurrection. I am invited to walk a path of introspection and reflection acknowledging such things as the shadows and light in my life. Trusting in the grace of God, I admit my own sin.

Prayer: Holy God, You know me better than I know myself. You see me clearer than anyone. How impossible it seems that I could even try to hide anything from You! But I do. Sometimes I pretend to be better than I am. I do things I know will hurt others and act as though I am blameless. But I am not. I am complicit, and I am guilty, and I am broken. I ask for Your forgiveness because You love me more than I can imagine. You alone make me whole. This I ask in the name of Jesus, who came to show me the way. Amen.

2. Drawing Close

Prompt: I know that You are as close as my next breath. Yet sometimes it feels as if there is a great distance between us. Yet You did not move. I did. So I offer this prayer of confession.

Prayer: Dearest Jesus, when I feel abandoned the distance feels devastating. That distance acts as a force of evil when something conspires against me. That distance is sometimes my foolish choices or my selfish acts. I seek Your forgiveness. Assure me of Your closeness, Your power, and Your mercy. You live inside of me through the power of the Holy Spirit. Remind me of Your closeness today. In Your great mercy I pray, Amen.

3. Fellowship with God

Prompt: In the beauty of this sacred moment and the fellowship I have with the God of creation, I speak with Him about my life. I confess how I have not followed Him wholeheartedly and how I have faltered. Trusting in God’s grace and mercy, I pray this confession.

Prayer: Merciful God, You sent Jesus to take away the sin of the world. Because of Jesus’ blood shed for me, my sin does not separate us. I do things that hurt other people, the creation, mankind, and You. Reign fully over my life, Lord God. Give me strength and courage to be less hurtful and more loving. These things I pray in the name of Jesus, who set the perfect example. Amen.

1 Peter 5:7

4. Thankful Heart

Prompt: In a world that is always looking for more, remind me to be grateful for what God has already provided. With a thankful heart, I pray.

Prayer: Merciful and loving God: when I am ungrateful, remind me of Your grace. If I am oblivious, open my eyes. When I am harsh, gentle my spirit. If I am apathetic, show me Your suffering children. Should I demean myself, whisper that I am created in Your image. When I lose all hope, show me the empty tomb. Renew a right spirit within me. Shape me and turn me around, so that I will live with blessing and grace and light. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

5. Remove Distraction

Prompt: There are so many things that lobby for my attention. Remind me not to get distracted from the purposes God has for my life.

Prayer: God of mercy and love, I know that sometimes I allow myself to be distracted by things that don’t matter all that much. I would rather pursue intellectual arguments than live the Gospel. It seems that I would rather debate my equals than defend the vulnerable. I prefer to think about You instead of getting to know You. Help me, O Christ, to discern what matters to You and to the vulnerable You call me to help. Help me to open up my heart, wide in love and grace, and so be a living example of your Good News. In Christ, I pray. Amen.

6. Guard My Words

Prompt: I come before God in silence and in prayer, to open my heart to my Creator, the One who heals, loves, and forgives.

Prayer: Merciful God, hear my prayer. When I am weary, I do not offer kindness as often as I might. I admit that I do not add beauty to the world apart from You. I pay lip service to the cries of others and sit idly by until the sound fades. Sometimes I get it right, and sometimes I don’t. I ask for Your mercy and grace. I ask for Your help to give me the courage and strength to live as You would have me live. In the name of Jesus Christ, who gave me those qualities and who taught me all I need to know, I pray. Amen.

Chosen a Study of Esther

7. Keep Me From Sin

Prompt: Maybe it’s easier to understand sin as separation: separation from God, separation from others, separation from my identity in Christ. In the midst of separation, God walks toward me, inviting me to walk toward Him. In prayer, let me seek God’s grace.

Prayer: Holy God, sometimes I wander off. I get distracted by shiny things and get lost. Merciful God, You come to find me. Lost and afraid, I become stubborn and intractable. Loving God, You pick me up and brush me off and set my feet on Your right path again. You are the light of the world, so give me eyes past this present darkness. I will wander again, but for the moment, I am safe and forgiven. Keep my feet on Your path to make a difference in this world in Your name. Thank you in Jesus’ name, Amen.

8. Let Me See Those in Need

Prompt: Life is full of good things and full of hard things. I work to cope with the easy and with the sad. Sometimes I try to manage life all by myself apart from God’s guidance. I ignore the pain of someone else and the struggle of another. God calls me to see it all, and to help when I can. Aware of my shortcomings and confident in God’s grace, let me make my confession.

Prayer: Holy God, I am an imperfect person and I need Your love. Forgive me when I ignore Your children who cry out in distress. Lord, forgive me when I choose not to see those who remind me too much of myself. Forgive me when I put rules ahead of people, choose legality over kindness, and judgment that lacks mercy. Enable me to see as You see, the wide vistas open to the possibility of compassion and grace. O God, hear my prayer. Amen.

9. God Knows Me

Prompt: No one knows me better than God. No one loves me more than God. Lord, hear my prayer.

Prayer: Almighty God, You know me. You know my heart, You know my thoughts, You know my actions and human nature. You know my successes and my failures, that which commends me and that which condemns me. I know the good I have done, and how I have fallen short. Draw me close so that the burden of sin would not weigh me down. I pray that I would know you better so that the freedom of your mercy would enable me to fly. Forgive my sins, and restore me to wholeness, I pray. Amen.

10. Trusting God

Prompt: Sometimes I question what God is doing and question whether or not He knows best. Trusting God in all things, I pray this confession.

Prayer: Holy God, hear my prayer. As I walk this spiritual life, I relentlessly question You. You heal someone’s beloved, and I ask, “Why not this one too?” You shower food upon some who hunger, and I complain that my stomach is growling. Forgive me. Forgive me for my doubts and my limited sight. You are the God of justice with the final word. You see the whole thing, not only pieces like me. Open wide before me the expanse of Your grace. Let me feel and share the embrace of Your love. I am in awe of Your healing power. Through Christ, I pray. Amen.

11. The Love of God

Prompt: Even with seven billion people on this planet, God still knows me individually. He does not see me as part of a human blur. He sees my face. With a thankful heart, I pray this confession.

Prayer (based on Psalm 8): Great God of all creation, who am I that you are mindful of me? You set the stars in motion. And You set tides that launch waves crashing against the shore. You know the heights and depths of the world. Why do you bother with me? You count the hairs on my head and call me by name. You give me Your wisdom and You uphold me by Your Spirit. Faithfully, You take perfect care of me. I cannot grasp Your love for me, O God. In your mercy, forgive my shortsightedness and let me lean into the person You created me to be. I pray in the peace of Christ. Amen.

12. Brokenness

Prompt: There is so much brokenness in this world, including my own. I have been hurt and I have hurt others. In hope, I pray this confession.

Prayer: Holy God, hear my prayer. There is pain and there is sorrow, there are broken relationships and broken hearts. Sometimes I am the cause of those things. I have caused pain. I have broken the relationship. Sometimes I am simply a part of them – I am the one who suffers, I am the one who is broken. So I ask for Your forgiveness. I ask for Your healing. Turn me from my former self to a person who reflects Your mercy and grace. I pray in Christ’s name who is my example, Amen.

13. Remember My Purpose

Prompt: My purpose in this life is to shine the light of Jesus into a dark and hurting world. I realize that sometimes I don’t do that very well, so let me make my confession.

Prayer: O God, when I look at You in Your Word and then look at myself, I realize how tiny I am. But I am not so small that my actions are inconsequential. Sometimes a word of thanks brings warmth to a cold heart. A choice to forgive opens up a new future for two people. Sometimes a thoughtless gesture slashes the heart. Sometimes my inaction leaves the world in its sorry state. I ask for your help. I pray that I will not be captive to the wrong I do but changed by the mercy You grant. Amen.

14. Unburden Me

Prompt: I carry around so many unnecessary burdens each day. Releasing them to God frees me emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To release my burden to the Lord, I pray this confession.

Prayer: Holy God, I carry the burdens of words spoken that I wish I had not. Acts done in anger or pride that I wish I could undo. I hold grudges for a long time, and I do not actively try to reconcile with those from whom I am estranged. Forgive me. Forgive my words and deeds and inactions that cause You and others sorrow. Restore me, renew me, and give me the strength. I pray for the courage and love to be an effective witness to You. In Jesus’ holy name, Amen.

15. Surrendering to God

Prompt: Despite my sorrows and sins I am given light and beauty that comes from God. Trusting in Your unfailing love, let me make my confession during Lent.

Prayer: God of love and mystery, make me whole. Heal the wounds I carry. Let Your love heal the wounds I have created in others. Make me strong in the broken places so that I speak from experience when I tell others that Your mercy and hope are real. Forgive me and enable me to forgive without hesitation. God of love and mystery, make me whole. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.

16. A Holy Offering

Prompt: I have come to God with a full heart. A heart that carries sorrow, worry, and guilt. In this sacred time I offer my heart to God, remembering Christ’s invitation that all who are weary and carrying heavy burdens may come to Him. Trusting in that love, let me make my confession.

Prayer: Holy God, I offer You my life. That the good I have done will build up Your children, and not my ego. I pray that the harm I have caused will lead me to confession and atonement. That the anxiety that eats at me will be transformed into trust. That the hope You give will multiply and leaven the world like yeast. Righteous God, hear me, forgive me, reshape me, and love me, I pray. Amen.

17. Look to the Light

Prompt: The troubles in the world around me and in my own life lead me to dark places. Unrest and division in the world trouble me greatly. I want to live in the light of Christ, so I make this confession.

Prayer: Holy God, I admit to You that all is not right. In my heart and in this world, there is much darkness. Father, let Your light shine into the darkness of sinful eyes. Let me see what You have mended rather than what is broken. I long to praise rather than criticize. Let my focus rest on You and not self-interests during this season of Lent. Turn my eyes onto You. Let me experience and share Your grace, healing, and love. This I pray in the strong name of Jesus. Amen.

18. I Am Loved

Prompt: I can be so hard on myself. Some days I feel very unlovable. But that does not line up with who You say that I am, so I pray this confession during Lent.

Prayer: Holy God, remind me that I am loved when I find myself unlovable. Remind me that there is hope when all I see around me causes despair. You sent the Prince of Peace when war and violence threaten. Remind me that You are the merciful judge when injustice seems to prevail. You give me all I need to do Your work in the world. Remind me that with the help of Your grace, I can be graceful to others. I confess my doubt. Give me the strong faith to trust in Your love. Amen.

bible-verse

19. A Call to Mercy

Prompt: The call to confession is always a call to experience God’s mercy. In admitting the truth to my loving Creator, I open myself to the mercy of God’s grace and healing. Trusting in that divine love, let me pray.

Prayer: Gracious God,  when I hear bad news reports around the world it feels as if I am in the middle of a bad dream. There is so much heartache and brokenness in this world. Let me not simply turn over and go back to sleep, ignoring the plight of Your children. It is hard to see tragedy and suffering. It is hard to admit my responsibility as part of the heartache. It’s hard to work for the good when the good seems so far off. So help me, dear Lord. Give me the courage to see clearly. Give me the strength to do my part. Grant me the grace to forgive others as You have forgiven me. And give me faith to follow you wholeheartedly. This is my prayer, offered in the name of Christ. Amen.

20. True Faith

Prompt: Faith is more than an intellectual pursuit. Faith is my compass for how I live each day. During this quiet time, I can reflect on how I am living. Does my life reflect Jesus? Mindful of God’s grace and love, let me make my confession.

Prayer: Dear God, have mercy on me for the wrong I have done. Give me the eyes of faith to see people in need. Help me set aside my prejudice and bias. Fill me with a longing to know You better. Forgive me for my lukewarm responses. Kindle in me the passion for Your work. Set me free from doubt and fear. Send me out to shine Your light and love to others. This I pray in the name of Jesus, my leader, my guide, my Savior. Amen.

21. Just Admit It

Prompt: To confess is to admit – to admit something that might make me feel guilty, ashamed, or sad. To confess to God is to await that word of grace, of forgiveness, of hope. Trusting in God’s mercy, let me make my confession.

Prayer: Loving Creator, I admit that I like placing You into neat little boxes.  – the God of this, the God of that, the God of these people but not of those people. I admit I make You too small. I admit I try to make You manageable. Forgive my short-sightedness, my self-limitedness, and my stubbornness. Give me the faith to follow You and Your Word wholeheartedly. Let me embrace the joy of being dearly loved by You. In Christ, I pray, Amen.

22. Lay Down Burdens

Prompt: The call to confess is the call to lay down the burdens I carry. Guilt, judgment, and unkindness are heavy, indeed. I lay my burdens down at the foot of the Cross. Trusting in the mercy and love of God, let me pray.

Prayer: Savior, like a shepherd lead me; much I need Thy tender care. Forgive me for the wrong I know I have done: my neglect of the vulnerable; my misuse of Your gifts; my hoarding of things I am called to share. Forgive me for failing to do good, offering grace to the imperfect; forgiving those who have hurt me; seeing the good that surrounds me. Turn me away from that which harms, and turn me to You, the only One who heals. Amen.

23. Forgive Me

Prompt: There are days when I hurt people that I love. I blame my busy schedule or impatient nature, but I know that I hurt others when my mind is not focused on the Lord. In my confession, hear my prayer.

Prayer: Holy God, I know when I have hurt another. I know when I have acted against Your rule of love. When I have neglected to do something that would help another person or help the world. I know that I sin and come before You in true repentance. I also know that You love me, forgive me, and call me to forgive others. So enable me in all of this to be Your servant in service and mission. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Chosen a Study of Esther

24. Being Like Christ

Prompt: So often I do not act like Jesus. There are times when I do not respond to others with love and respect. As I open my heart, hear my prayer of confession.

Prayer: Holy and wonderful God, hear my prayer. You alone enable me to be different – less judging, less selfish, less greedy; more hopeful, more graceful, more trusting. I would be different if I opened my heart to Your cleansing. If I opened my hands for You to direct them. If I would relinquish control of my feet to follow You. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, loosen my grip and remake me in Your image. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

25. Confession

Prompt: To confess to God is to do something holy – opening myself to the light and healing of the divine. Trusting in God’s grace and mercy, let me confess.

Prayer: Holy God, forgive me for being prideful. In times when I need you most, I forget how to be humble and how to seek Your help. Forgive me for being so smug and anxious. I admit that I am not in control of my own life. You are. And You know what is best for me. Forgive me and enable me to be who You created me to be. This I pray in Jesus’ strong name, Amen.

My Prayer for You

As you and I eat this daily bread of confession and repentance until Good Friday, I pray that our Heavenly Father breathes new life into your soul with His steadfast love. That He reminds you of the joy of your salvation. 

Our merciful Father gives you a clean heart as you approach the foot of the Cross each day along this Lenten journey.

This season of repentance and mindful silent confession reminds us how great the love of God truly is as He gives us new eyes leading up to Holy Week. 

With a collective humble heart, we utter a unison prayer of confession for the forgiveness of sins. We wait to celebrate the glorious resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ on Easter Sunday. Amen.

Related Posts:

About the Author
Donna is a sought-after speaker, multi-published author, and Bible teacher. Her path from being unchurched to becoming passionate about sharing Jesus was not easy. Read her God-breathed journey: “From Unchurched to Becoming a Multi-Published Author and Sought-After Speaker.” If you want to send Donna a quick message, then visit her here.

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10 Powerful Prayers for Repentance and Restoration

Posted on by Donna Snow

Some people jeer at the mere mention of offering prayers of repentance. I used to be one of them. We tend to struggle with pride. And prideful people do not like to admit we’re wrong. 

Yet here is the truth as Christ-followers: God’s forgiveness, mercy, and grace are freely extended to everyone who comes to Him with genuine repentance. The Bible calls it a “contrite heart.” God wants to hear our prayers, including that daily hard prayer of repentance.

prayers for repentance

Contents

What is Repentance?

The plain definition of repentance is  “deep sorrow, compunction, or contrition for a past sin, wrongdoing.” So true repentance begins as a posture of our heart. The key ingredient is the power of the Holy Spirit, who convicts you with godly grief.

Nothing hinders your prayers and intimacy with the Lord like unconfessed sin. I keep a journal of things I confess so that I can see how God is changing my heart and life.

Getting Real

It is vital to keep a short account of your secret sins (and public ones) to maintain a right spirit of sincere repentance. As soon as you become aware of a sinful attitude or blatant sin, don’t wait to lay it out before God. 

The longer you hold on to a destructive path of sin, a harsh tongue, or wicked ways, the longer you delay God’s abundant mercy to cleanse you.

His steadfast love means that it is your heavenly Father’s good pleasure to give you a clean heart once again. Making your prayer life a way of life brings endless times of refreshing from God’s grace. 

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What’s the Point?

Repentance has two primary purposes: (1) to acknowledge your sins, and (2) to invite you into deep examination of your choices and path of righteousness.

In repentance, you seek God’s forgiveness of sins and confess any evil way hidden in your heart. You may come to God with a broken spirit, but you receive His great mercy, forgiveness, and unconditional love.

In his 95 Theses, repentance was the very first item on Martin Luther’s list: “When our Lord and Master Jesus Christ said, ‘Repent’ [Matthew 4:17], he willed the entire life of believers to be one of repentance.” In fact, items 2 and 3 of Luther’s 95 Theses were also about repentance. Repentance was so important that it occupied the top three spots on his list. 

The point of repentance is not to constantly remind yourself of how bad you are. Repentance humbles you to acknowledge God alone as sovereign over your life. 

As you confess your sins, the act of repentance reminds you of the incredible goodness of your merciful God as He wipes the slate clean once again. God’s help and great love poured over you through the blood of Jesus are all the help you need.

Luther's monastery in Eisenach

10 Powerful Prayers of Repentance

Each repentance prayer begins with God’s Word for a biblical foundation. Let’s run into the open arms of our dear Lord.

Prayer #1

1 John 1:19 – “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Prayer: Lord Jesus Christ, I confess my sinful nature and longing after the things of this world. I have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what I have done and by what I have left undone. I have not loved You with my whole heart; I have not loved my neighbors as myself. Guide me, O Lord, along the right path all the days of my life. For the sake of Your Son, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me. Forgive me, renew me, and lead me, so that I may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways to the glory of Your holy name. In Jesus’ name, Amen. 

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Prayer #2

Psalm 51:1-2 – “Have mercy on me, O God, according to Your steadfast love; according to Your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin.“

Prayer (directly from Psalm 51:3-4, 7-10): “For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned and done what is evil in Your sight, so that You may be justified in Your words and blameless in Your judgment. Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that You have broken rejoice. Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

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Prayer #3

Psalm 19:14 – “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.” 

Prayer: Dear God, right now I cannot even discern the errors in my thoughts or ungodly intentions of my heart. But You see my inward being. Only You can see the truth in my secret heart. Cleanse me from any faults that I cannot see because You are a forgiving God. I confess and repent of those sins that I have intentionally committed. Free me from anything in my life that hinders my walk with You. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. 

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Prayer #4

James 4:8-10 – “Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.”

Prayer: Lord God, what hope You give me in those words! I long to draw near to you, but my unconfessed sin stands in the way. I confess my sins to you right now and repent with sorrow. Bring a fresh awareness of the seriousness of my sin and how it separates me from You. My sin has caused that distance and I confess it now. I pray that Your mighty name be exalted in my life. Thank you for drawing near to me when I continuously pull away from You.

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Prayer #5

2 Chronicles 7:14 – “If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land.”

Prayer: Dear Lord, each day I am surrounded by the sins of the world – and that includes pride. I have allowed pride to keep me from humbling myself before You. This world does not celebrate humbleness, but You honor it. Father, turn my face toward You. Cleanse me of pride and anything else that keeps me from seeking You. I pray that Your good things continuously show me a better way to live a new life centered on You.

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Prayer #6

Matthew 6:9-13 – “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.”

Prayer: O God of my salvation, the “Lord’s prayer” that Christ Jesus taught the disciples demonstrates how You long for us to live free of guilt, sin, and unforgiveness. I confess my sins to you now, Father. Give me the tenacity and strength to mourn over and repent of my sin to continuously turn my heart toward You. Thank you for running after this prodigal son every single time.

prayer journal

Prayer #7

Joel 2:12 – “Yet even now,” declares the Lord, “return to me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning.”

Prayer: Dear Lord, I confess that I have put my agenda ahead of Yours. I have trusted my timing instead of Yours. I have trusted my own cleverness rather than leaned into Your holiness. And have not lived in a way that shows the glory of God in my life. Purify my heart, Lord. I ask for Your forgiveness. Set my feet on the right path that leads to the kingdom of heaven and intimacy with You. 

repentance

Prayer #8

2 Peter 3:9 ​- “The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.”

Prayer: Lord God, You could condemn the whole world, including me, at this very moment. Yet You want us to live eternally with You rather than perish in our sin. Father, I repent of my sins whether I know about them or I am blind to them. I find that repentance is painful, but my sorrow is a gift of Your grace that draws me closer to You. Thank you for loving me so much.

prayer journal

Prayer #9

9) Acts 3:19 – “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord.”

Prayer: Dear Lord, what hope this verse brings! You promise that when I repent You faithfully wipe out my sins and refresh me in the Lord. I confess my sins, whether known or unknown, and am heartily sorry for them. I humbly ask for Your forgiveness and desire for You alone to put my feet on the right path each day. Keep the Word of the Lord alive in my heart as I follow You all the days of my life.

prayer

Prayer #10

10) 2 Corinthians 7:9-10a – “As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us. For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret.“

Prayer: Father God, thank you for working in me godly grief that produces true repentance that leads to eternal life. It is easy to follow the wrong path of worldly repentance where I’m only sorry that I got caught. Continue to give me a willing spirit toward good deeds and serving others in Your glorious name. My specific prayer is that you remove every thought or intention of my heart that does not draw me closer to You.

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Worldly Sorrow vs. Godly Sorrow

The Apostle Paul talks about godly grief and worldly grief (both known as sorrow). It is important to recognize the difference between these two kinds of repentance to determine whether you are offering genuine repentance – whether to God and another person. 

Worldly Sorrow

Worldly sorrow tends to focus on regret over the consequences of behavior. It says, “I’m sorry I got caught. I’m sorry I have to face the consequences for what I did.” It is sorrow over the consequences you face instead of sorrow over the hurt you have inflicted. 

Worldly sorrow is self-centered; it focuses on the suffering of “poor little me” as you face the consequences of your actions. It says, “Yes, I did that, but now nobody trusts me anymore. Everybody’s talking about me. Everybody’s mad at me.” Me is a key word with worldly sorrow.

“Worldly grief produces death” (2 Corinthians 7:10b).

germany

Godly Sorrow 

Godly sorrow says, “I’m sorry for who I’ve become. I’m sorry that I’ve become so deceptive and dishonest. I’m sorry for how my behaviors have hurt you and destroyed our relationship.” Do you see the difference? 

Godly sorrow owns up to the sin and focuses on how to repair the damage, inviting repentance and restitution. That’s why the Bible says godly sorrow leads to salvation and freedom. 

A person who exhibits godly sorrow is determined to walk away from the behavior and move toward repairing the damaged relationship.

I wrote an entire Bible study about forgiveness because it is vital to keep our hearts moldable in God’s hands. Godly sorrow is key.

prayer

God’s Mercy

In His great mercy, God did not dismiss your sins as inconsequential. Rather, He added them to the weight of sin His Son bore on the cross for you, and He remembers them no more. 

When you separate God from vengeance and justice, the cross becomes superfluous. And the cross is anything but superfluous.

“But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.” (Ephesians 2:4-5).

psalm 103

It is easy to spend your days pointing out other people’s sins and shortcomings. Spending time asking God to search your heart to convict you of your sin keeps you humble.

As a child of God, following God’s commandments and seeking the will of God are cornerstones to intimacy with Him.

If you have a hard time confessing sins, remember that His great compassion and love always welcome you into the presence of the Lord. God’s plan for your life is perfect. Lean in!

Related Posts:

About the Author
Donna is a sought-after author, speaker, and Bible teacher. Her path from being unchurched to becoming passionate about sharing Jesus was not easy. Read her God-breathed journey: “From Unchurched to Becoming a Multi-Published Author and Sought-After Speaker.” If you want to send Donna a quick message, then visit her here.

{Some of these links are affiliate links. This means if you make a purchase through that link, the ministry may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!}

RELEASE DAY! Meant for Good: A Study of Joseph

Posted on by Donna Snow

My brand new Bible study through Concordia Publishing House releases TODAY: Meant For Good: A Study of Joseph. LET THE PRAISES RING!

Similar to the depth of my Esther study, this Bible study goes deep into the life of Joseph in the Book of Genesis. Joseph’s biography occupies more space in Genesis than those of Adam, Noah, Abraham, or even his own father, Jacob. Although that should be reason enough to study Joseph’s incredible journey, he experiences family conflict and unfair treatment that many of us can relate to today.

The Story

The story begins with Joseph in the land of Canaan as a seventeen-year-old dreamer—literally. As one of two sons born to Jacob’s favorite wife Rachel, favoritism plays a significant role in the story of Joseph. After all, Jacob had been his mother’s favorite.

In Jacob’s eyes, his son Joseph was the favorite even though he was not the oldest son. Joseph had ten older brothers and one younger brother. Sadly, Joseph’s mother Rachel died giving birth to Benjamin, the youngest son.

God gave Joseph the extraordinary gift of interpreting dreams. However, Joseph had not yet mastered the art of tact, timing, or knowing his audience. When he tells his brothers that one day they will bow to him, it becomes clear that even though Joseph’s gift was intact, he was not able to read a room.

One day, Jacob sends Joseph to check on his brothers who are tending their flocks far away. But Joseph never makes it back home.

The 20-Year Saga

The brothers accost Joseph, strip him of his many-colored coat, and throw him into a waterless pit. They ignore his cries, decide to leave him in the pit to die, and sit down to enjoy lunch together. Then Judah offers up a Plan B to make some extra cash instead.

Then Jacob’s sons (all except Benjamin) agree to pull Joseph out of the pit and sell him to Midianite traders for twenty pieces of silver. They return to their father Jacob and promptly lie about what happened.

Pause a moment. Can you imagine what Joseph is feeling? He is rescued from the pit (yay!) only to be sold for money (what?) by his very own flesh and blood.

The Midianites take Joseph to the land of Egypt. Then Joseph is sold to Potiphar, who holds a significant position in Pharaoh’s Egyptian court, to work as a slave.

As Joseph works diligently in Potiphar’s home, Potiphar’s wife takes notice of Joseph and tries to entice Joseph into sleeping with her. He flees from temptation and her repeated offers, only to be falsely accused and thrown into prison.

Spiritual Bootcamp

And so begins Joseph’s spiritual boot camp which lasted more than twenty years. The amazing truth about God’s spiritual boot camps (basically, our whole life) is that He never leaves us. Ever. God’s faithfulness to us never wavers.

During those twenty years, Joseph oversees Potiphar’s home, eventually oversees the prison into which he was thrown, and interprets four additional dreams along the way. The whole time, the God of Abraham is working in Joseph’s life. Molding. Shaping. Preparing.

Even though Joseph’s brothers stripped him of his coat, they could not strip him of his godly character.

Egypt’s Second in Command

After interpreting Pharaoh’s two confusing dreams, Pharaoh elevates Joseph to the position of second in command over Egypt. In addition, God populated the house of Joseph with a wife and children. A new family. Even though Joseph was far from home, God blessed him in what Joseph referred to as “the land of my affliction.”

Eventually, all of Egypt understood that Joseph’s elevation to prominence was a good thing. Joseph’s diligence and excellent administrative skills successfully navigate Egypt through seven years of famine. His industrious, tireless work ended up providing a multitude of nations with food during the devastating famine.

Forgiveness

Joseph could have easily leveraged his powerful position to retaliate against his older brothers. He could have blamed them for stealing the life he had planned. He could have allowed hate and bitterness to take root in his heart. Instead, Joseph forgave wholeheartedly and embraced reconciliation.

We behold the Gospel story woven like a scarlet thread throughout Joseph’s narrative. The struggles that Joseph endured remind us how vital it is to let God’s love and forgiveness lead us.

Joseph’s story is not a rags-to-riches phenomenon. It is a picture of relentless, God-honoring faith. If you struggle with forgiveness, I wrote an entire Bible study on it here.

For All the History Buffs

If you are a history buff like me, you will devour the historical smorgasbord in Bible study. My previous study on Esther unearthed the nuances and culture of the Persian empire. With Joseph, we dive headlong into ancient Egypt. (Cue the singing of “Walk Like an Egyptian.”)

The study narrows down which pharaoh Joseph would have served under, which then provides the kind of work and tasks Joseph would have performed as vizier (prime minister). Fascinating!

Ancient Egypt

Originally starting out as several independent cities along the Nile River, Egypt was formed from an Upper Egypt and Lower Egypt, which unified around 3100 BC. Egypt was one the largest kingdoms of the ancient world and led the charge regarding cultural and economic influence until it was conquered in 332 B.C. by the Macedonians.

Joseph’s story takes place during the historical time of unified Egypt, which was considered to be one of Egypt’s greatest eras. 

Egypt’s Pharaohs

We also study the historical timeline and Egyptian lineage particular to Joseph’s story. We peek into the fascinating world of Egyptian pharaohs. This study pinpoints the precise pharaoh that Joseph would have served under according to historical fact.

This allows us the rare opportunity to discover what that pharaoh focused on and his geopolitical agenda. Consequently, we can ascertain some of the historical responsibilities that Joseph would have been responsible for under that pharaoh’s reign.

Joseph’s Lineage

As one of the sons of Jacob, Joseph’s brothers and Joseph’s sons eventually comprise the twelve tribes of Israel. Joseph did not have his own tribe. There is no tribe of Joseph. However, the sons of Joseph – Ephraim and Manasseh – form the twelfth tribe together as a double portion of God’s blessing to Joseph.

Joseph’s Christ-Like Qualities

In Joseph, we see Christ-like qualities almost unparalleled in the Old Testament (in my opinion). Regardless of his circumstances, Joseph never wavered from following the Lord. He was a diligent worker, faithful witness, and capable administrator.

Joseph’s example issues a challenge even today: Will we choose to become victims of our circumstances and give up or will we trust God to bring beauty from ashes and excel?

Even though God would use Joseph mightily, the learning process was long. That same truth applies to us. It may be a long time before God deems us ready for the tasks He has planned for us. I could not have written in-depth Bible studies twenty years ago. God’s instruction over time has produced a much better vintage.

Purpose for Our Pain

Joseph could have given in to bitterness. Easily. Who would blame him? Yet he responded to broken dreams and difficult circumstances with a strong faith that propelled him from the pit of slavery to the pinnacle of power.

God Almighty diligently prepared Joseph to help Egypt’s great nation survive utter destruction. But that preparation did not come in a safe classroom. Joseph learned and honed his extraordinary administrative gifts in two places he never thought he would be—in slavery and in prison.

We may not be able to see how God is preparing us during our difficult times, but rest assured there is a holy purpose for our pain.

The Bottom Line

Even though Joseph experienced extraordinary hurt and adversity, God’s promise to be with him remained faithful. Joseph endured jealousy and sibling rivalry in his father’s household. He survived mistreatment and a murderous plot by his older brothers. He was thrown into prison for resisting temptation. He could have easily allowed his woes to become his focus.

Instead, Joseph looked up and trusted God. And because of the great faith that God instilled in Joseph, a multitude of people would owe Joseph their lives—literally.

Can you relate to waterless pits and unfairness in your life? This new Bible study is uniquely relevant to our current times.

God uses Joseph’s journey to provide invaluable insights regarding how to live wise, bold journeys of faith—fully trusting Him every single day. May God grant you and me such tenacious faith in Christ Jesus our Lord.

You can order “Meant for Good” right here.

Meant for Good: A Study of Joseph

What Does the Bible Say About Forgive And Forget?

Posted on by Donna Snow

When my ex-husband committed adultery six years into our marriage, I did not tell anyone. I was ashamed that perhaps people would think I was a bad wife. Was I supposed to forgive and forget?

Perhaps I had done something to turn him away. Or the worst, I wasn’t “putting out” enough. In other words, I was blaming myself and absorbing guilt that was not mine.

forgive-and-forget

Contents

  1. Is Forgetting a Hurt Even Possible?
  2. Three Options for Dealing with our Wound
  3. Only God has the Power to Forget
  4. The Definition of Forgiveness
  5. What Forgiveness is NOT

God did not give human beings the divine power to erase our memories. We cannot forget when someone hurts us. However, we still need to walk toward the soul freedom that forgiveness promises.

So what can we do to get past the hurt to begin the forgiveness process?

The Unseen Wounds

When you are wronged, you are handed an internal wound. Though unseen, we never forget the pain caused by that wound.

The larger the pain, the larger the wound. Some days, I truly felt like I was bleeding out of my skin, but no one knew.

I prayed constantly for God to give me the grace to forgive that adultery. In tears, I often pleaded with God for His healing. For the Holy Spirit to give me the strength to move past that horrific wound. And for the courage to be intimate in my marriage again. For trust in my spouse to be repaired.

In His steadfast love, God granted all of those requests and more. Forgiveness flowed, our relationship was repaired, and He pulled our marriage out of the depths of the sea. And even though they had been forgiven, those memories were stored in the hard drives of my mind. Yours are, too.

Seven years later, I discovered my husband’s past sins had resurfaced and he was having multiple affairs, which ultimately ended our marriage. I cannot even fully describe the level of anger, hurt, and unforgiveness that welled up inside me.

Past hurts raged to the surface and I knew I needed to seek help for my own sake. I was drowning in emotional pain.

For the first time in my life, I sought Christian counseling. The absolute last thing I needed was for any root of bitterness to take hold.

It took a solid year for God’s forgiveness to flow in my heart to move me toward forgiving my ex-husband. I cannot stress strongly enough the importance of forgiveness in order to embrace a new life.

Is Forgetting A Hurt Even Possible?

We’ve all heard the phrase, “If you haven’t forgotten, you haven’t forgiven.” Perhaps you have even said it because I certainly used to. It’s easy to say but impossible to do. While we may be able to forget small slights, we remember life-altering wounds.

On the other hand, remembering certain kinds of hurt is usually beneficial. For instance, I don’t touch hot stoves because I did that once. Lesson learned.

Our memory can instruct us on how to avoid similar hurt in the future. It’s those heart hurts caused by unacceptable behavior or harsh words that can trip us up for a very long time.

A Stationary Bicycle Going Nowhere Fast

When we buy into the forgive-and-forget lie, we end up berating ourselves when we remember our wounds. We get frustrated and spend futile time and energy trying to make ourselves forget again. It is a useless, unproductive cycle that only succeeds in embedding the hurt deeper.

Satan loves the forgive-and-forget lie because it wastes our time and energy and always lands us right back where we started: remembering the wound. It’s a stationary bicycle going nowhere fast.

There is no solution to the lie of “forgive and forget.” That pot only keeps stirring toxic emotions.

Three Options for Dealing with our Wound

When someone hurts us (wounds us), we have three main options:

1. Hand It Back

When you hand back a wound, it is called revenge. It looks something like this: “You did this to me? Then, this is what I will do to you.” You then throw the wound back at them with a vengeance. Whether verbally or physically, handing the wound back through revenge intends to harm.

2. Internalize or Hide It

This happens when shame plays a part in the wound. Rape victims deal with this because some people still believe the nauseating assumption that somehow the victim invited or deserved it. The victim may hide it to avoid being called loose. Shame is the single biggest factor in hiding a wound.

3. Hand it Up to Jesus

When we hand our wounds up to Jesus Christ, we take them out of circulation. The wounds do not have the opportunity to fester in us or spread to others. Taking the wounds out of circulation stops the cycle. That is how Jesus patterned forgiveness. He felt the wounds, absorbed the pains, and forgave them from the cross. He took them out of circulation for eternity.

When you and I hand up our wounds to Jesus, He renews our strength from the inside out. Right where that wound is hiding. And He faithfully begins to work true forgiveness in us.

Even though you and I cannot forget a wound, we can certainly choose how to deal with the pain of their offense going forward. We can choose options 1 and 2 above and let bitterness sink in, or we can go with option 3 and live in the freedom that forgiveness brings.

Only God Has the Power to Forget

In Hebrews 8, God’s Word says: “For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more” (Hebrews 8:12, ESV). God promises to forget our sins (the precise meaning of which could fill a whole book), but that is an unrealistic standard to put on ourselves. He is God. We are not.

What is the Definition of Forgiveness?

If you asked a dozen people to define forgiveness, you would likely hear twelve different responses. Since Christians are commanded to extend forgiveness, we need to clearly understand what it means.

Webster’s dictionary defines forgiveness as “to excuse a fault or offense; to stop feeling anger or resentment against; and to absolve from payment of.” Excuse and absolve are difficult verbs to swallow in the context of pain.

Thankfully, our Heavenly Father provides many Bible verses to navigate the storm. {Download 31-Day Forgiveness Bible Reading Plan}

forgiveness bible reading plan

The Greek word in the New Testament for forgive (aphiēmi) means “to send away.” In Christ Jesus, God packed up our transgressions (which include unforgiveness) and permanently sent them away. In Psalm 103:12, God promises: “As far as the east is from the west, so far does He remove our transgressions from us.”

The thing about the east and west is that there is no end. Once you start heading east, you are always heading east until you change directions. Once you journey west, you are always journeying west.

By the grace of God, He removes our sins and remembers them no more.

Hate and Love Cannot Coexist

When someone hurts us, God commands us to forgive because hate and bitterness do not line up with His teaching to love. Hate and love cannot coexist. Forgiveness cannot blossom when roots of unforgiveness hide in the soil of our hearts.

Thankfully, God does not simply issue the command to forgive, sit back, and watch us struggle. He provides the Source of power that enables us to fulfill His command.

The Apostle Paul wrote: “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me” (Galatians 2:20, ESV).

The power of Christ in us enables us to forgive the deepest wounds. Trust me. I have been divorced for twelve years now. Had I refused to let God work His forgiveness in me and then through me, I would be an angry, bitter, hot mess about now. A healed heart is FREEDOM.

Forgiveness is Commanded

Jesus talked about forgiveness more than two dozen times in the Gospels, including a key part of the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:12) and teaching His disciples to forgive others “seventy-seven times” (Matthew 18:22). He even asked God to forgive those who nailed Him to the cross (Luke 23:34). That includes you and me.

Forgiveness is not God’s suggestion; it is His command: “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:12-13, ESV).

We must also forgive. That’s a hard truth to digest when the mere thought of forgiving your offender makes you sick to your stomach. I certainly did want to forgive my ex-husband. But those negative feelings were toxins in my soul.

It’s amazing how easily we throw around the word forgiveness until we are asked to step forward through the pain and extend it personally. But forgiveness is the only way we will survive bleeding out from the spiritual and emotional wounds caused by the hurtful words and actions of others.

The Cost of Forgiveness

The heart of forgiveness always beats with liberation and freedom. Not necessarily for those who hurt you. But for you. Forgiveness is costly. We struggle not to lash out at those who hurt us.

We’re absorbing the debt and cost of the consequences instead of taking it out on the perpetrator. We suffer, and it hurts terribly. Surrendering that pain to God is the only pathway toward healing.

Some people say that it feels like dying. They are not wrong. The cost of forgiveness is death. Death to our desire for revenge. Death to seeking payment for the hurt they caused.

The cost of forgiveness is death. Just ask Jesus. He sacrificed His life to forgive us eternally. And His forgiveness leads us to experience a resurrection of new life centered in Him.

So start by asking God for just one small step today on the road toward forgiveness. Tomorrow, ask Him for another small step. The road ends in the death of bitterness and resurrection to life. The dead-end road ends at Calvary. 

Does Forgiveness Condone Their Hurtful Actions?

The hardest struggle we face in extending forgiveness is falsely believing that we are somehow condoning their actions. That lie comes straight from the devil. The enemy loves weaving a web of toxicity around that lie because we want those who hurt us to pay for their transgressions.

Forgiveness does not mean condoning someone’s bad behavior. It means releasing their judgment and consequences to God.

As God faithfully opens doors for me to travel and speak with groups of women all over the country, I have discovered that forgiveness is often misunderstood.

Some believe that forgiveness should only be extended when their perpetrator asks for it. Or when they have groveled enough. But when is enough enough? Your pain cannot be undone, only surrendered to God.

Others believe that forgiveness means you must reconcile with the person who hurt you and go skipping through the tulip fields into the sunset together. Neither could be further from the truth. In order to extend forgiveness, we need to clearly understand what it is not. 

What Forgiveness is NOT

Forgiveness Is Not Excusing a Sin or Crime

This is one of the most common objections to extending forgiveness. Many people often equate forgiveness with letting someone off the hook; like somehow forgiveness approves what they did because we didn’t force them to make it right. But that’s not what forgiveness means.

For instance, a rape victim suffers horrible atrocities, and there are legal consequences for the violator. The victim can forgive her attacker yet still follow the legal process to take the proper course for her attacker to reap the punishment for his actions.

Sin is not okay. It can be forgiven, but it should not be excused. By God’s grace, we become wiser regarding future interactions with that person.

Forgiveness Is Different from Reconciliation

Forgiveness takes one. It is extended from one individual to another and released. Reconciliation takes two people who agree to set aside past hurtful behavior, communicate to repair the relationship, and move forward together.

I realized that reconciliation for my marriage was not possible due to the kind of women with whom my ex-husband was involved. If we had reconciled and continued in our marriage, I stood a very real chance of contracting HPV, HIV, or AIDS.

My ex-husband was a habitual adulterer, so reconciling and remaining married would have placed my health (and ultimately my life) in danger.

In situations where habitual abuse (whether physical or verbal) has occurred, reconciliation may not be possible because safe mental and physical boundaries must be established. But forgiveness is still commanded.

Forgiveness Is Not about Justice or Consequences

Forgiveness does not obligate the forgiver to protect the offender from reaping the consequences of his or her actions. Consequences are usually what it takes for offenders to change their behavior. If their actions have broken the law (rape, harming a child, etc.), we can and should follow through with appropriate legal action.

To prevent a perpetrator from raping again, testifying at trial is certainly appropriate. There are always consequences for sin, but exacting the consequences of their actions is God’s job, not ours.

He alone calls unrepentant sinners to answer for their actions. Even in such extreme circumstances when reconciliation is not possible, we still move toward forgiveness.

Forgiveness Is Not about the Offender

It is not our job to determine whether someone deserves forgiveness of sins. God never tells us in His Word to extend it only when the offender begs for it. Some people hold grudges and stay angry until they believe their offender has suffered enough. But how do we determine when enough is enough?

Hate and anger have consuming power, and those toxins can control and define us. When we allow unforgiveness to consume us, the object of our wrath actually has control over us. It can keep our hearts dangling over the fire, so to speak.

We are washed clean by baptismal grace; therefore, our merciful God does not withhold forgiveness from us—and we are to follow His lead. Forgiving others as God has forgiven us means that we are obeying God’s command. Yet forgiveness is also a gift to ourselves of a life free from bitterness and anger.

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality” (Colossians 3:23–25, ESV).

Did you notice that the Lord is the focus of those verses? The Lord handles the wrongs done to us as we heartily serve Him.

Forgiveness Is Not Artificial Nonchalance

Have you ever tried to pretend someone’s actions or words did not hurt you? Me too. But when I remember that hurt for the tenth time in an hour, I cannot keep pretending. Pretending there is nothing to forgive results in anger and resentment down the road.

What we harbor internally eventually surfaces externally. Forgiveness means we acknowledge the hurtful actions or words, pray for God to provide insight on how best to convey them gracefully to the offender, and allow God to move us toward Him for healing. 

Forgiveness Is Not Avoidance

Some people believe that out of sight means out of mind. As long as we avoid our offenders, everything will be just fine. Although that person may not be around, the hurt they inflicted remains. It must be acknowledged, grieved, and forgiven.

Forgiveness Is Not Easy

It’s just not. It takes time. If the wound is deep, it may take a long time. That one year of post-divorce counseling felt like a lifetime. But focusing our energy and time on moving toward forgiveness means embracing our future free from the bondage of vengeful toxins.

We can confidently count on God’s outrageous faithfulness to us. Yesterday is over. Your future lies ahead. God provides peace of mind right alongside our fresh start. Relentlessly lay those hurts at His feet and trust Him to remove the sting.

What’s the Takeaway?

I learned so much about forgiveness from the Lord, life experience, and counseling that I wrote an entire book on forgiveness. You can find that Bible study here.

God’s Word transforms us, so here is 31-Day Bible Reading Plan about forgiveness that you can download free right now and get started today.

Forgiveness is not “giving in.” Forgiveness is a gift from God that He is waiting for you to open. In that promised land are freedom and new life. For you. 

Related Posts:

About the Author
Donna is a sought-after author, speaker, and Bible teacher. Her path from being unchurched to becoming passionate about sharing Jesus was not easy. Read her God-breathed journey: “From Unchurched to Becoming a Multi-Published Author and Sought-After Speaker.” If you want to send Donna a quick message, then visit her here.

{Some of these links are affiliate links. This means if you make a purchase through that link, the ministry may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your support!}

13 Best Bible Study Methods

Posted on by Donna Snow

Whether you are a new or seasoned Christian, knowing how to study the Bible and where to start are daunting tasks. Been there. Done that.

Technology allows us to have the Bible at our fingertips 24/7. Smartphones, tablets, and laptops enable us to access God’s Word just about anywhere in the world.

We can attend church online, listen to sermons and podcasts as we drive, or experience worship through music videos without leaving our homes.

The entire Bible is more accessible than at any other point in history, yet “How to Study the Bible” is searched online over 8,500 times each month.

Access to the Word of God is not the issue. Yet our knowledge of its contents is decreasing.

Where Do I Start?

I will say it again: knowing how to study the Bible and where to start are daunting tasks. Our spiritual growth stagnates the longer we wait. Many Christians lack practical tools to study the Bible effectively.

It takes time to incorporate a new habit, discover the best way to study, and the best study bibles to utilize on this new journey.

Photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash

Why Is Knowing Scripture Important?

Studying Scripture changes our lives from the inside out. We learn how to love like God. Forgive like Jesus. And treat enemies with kindness. Counter-cultural to say the least.

Most importantly, the Bible reveals God’s beautiful truth that He sent His only Son to rescue us from sin, death, and the grave!

I first started studying Scripture after becoming a Christian at age 23. I did not know anything about the Bible. There’s an Old Testament and a New Testament? You get the gist.

I felt that my basic questions were off-putting to mature Christians. I lacked a good starting point, a good study bible, or a good direction on which steps to take first.

Over the past thirty years, God has cultivated in my daily life solid tools to study, memorize, and apply Scripture every day. I am passionate about biblical literacy.

Bible study methods

Participating in church or small group Bible studies along with Sunday sermons is important. However, taking a personal lead in developing effective self-study methods stokes that flame of faith.

Some of these methods may work better for you than others. Invest some time trying each one to discover which works best for your personality and schedule.

First Things First: Start with Prayer

Scripture is God’s breath exhaled onto the page. Focusing your mind and thoughts on Him comes first and foremost. Always begin your study time with prayer.

Perhaps, one similar to this one:

Dear Lord, as I open my Bible today, open my heart to hear your words of truth. I pray that your Word comes alive in me. Remove all distractions right now. Open my mind to gain understanding as your words heal, teach, inspire, convict, and restore my heart. Enable your words to take root, grow and blossom in my life. Bring your light of understanding and peace that passes all understanding. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Method #1: Study One Book of the Bible

I suggest starting with a small book from the New Testament. The books of James, 1 Peter, and 1 John are all good choices for first-time studies.

Depending on your schedule, plan to spend 3-4 weeks studying the book you have chosen. Take time to read through the entire book more than once.

Look for themes that may be woven throughout the chapters. For example, the book of James contains an obvious theme of persevering through hard circumstances. Write down the verses around each theme.

Also, make a note of life application principles within the book. In James, a clear life application is that words need to result in action. Saying that we forgive is vastly different from moving toward forgiveness.

As you meditate on the themes and life application principles, allow God’s Word to speak to you personally. Where can those themes or applications apply to your life right now?

Method #2: Read Straight Through the Bible

Reading the Bible straight through (without taking notes) allows us to “hear” it like Israel’s nomadic tribes. Individuals did not have parchment, so the Bible stories were shared verbally.

Note that you do NOT have to start at the beginning of the Bible. The Bible contains 66 separate books compiled into one. You can start anywhere you like, just use a checklist to ensure you read through all 66.

Bible study methods

Also, choose a Bible version that is easy to read. Let’s face it, if you don’t understand it, you won’t get far.

There are dozens of translations and different versions of God’s Word, but the King James version is probably the most difficult. For clear reading, I suggest the English Standard Version (ESV), New Living Translation (NLT), or The Message versions.

As you settle down for uninterrupted reading, imagine story time around an evening campfire. Or story time in the afternoon with milk and cookies. (That’s a flashback to elementary school.)

This method allows us to see and hear the overarching story of God’s love and goodness to His children from Genesis to Revelation. His passionate, relentless pursuit of us toward salvation comes across with beautiful clarity.

I have many different Bible reading plans and checklists as free downloads here.

Method #3: Write Out Parts of the Bible

Our culture moves at lightning speed. Since we are technologically driven (for the most part), we desire things to move fast – such as food, lines, and traffic.

Absorbing Scripture into the marrow of our bones takes time. Breathing space. Quiet surroundings. That’s where grabbing a pen, your Bible and a journal plays a vital role.

The rhythm of physically writing slows us down to absorb the words. Words have a chance to stick with us past the moment – especially if you want to memorize particular verses.

As an author, I love the steady cadence of writing out God’s Word. That cadence resounds in my soul to retain those life-giving words. I recently started once again with the book of Matthew.

Make writing fun! I use my favorite Tul pens and a variety of colorful journals that are readily available and inexpensive.

Method #4: Character Study

One of the most frequently asked questions is, “Who’s who in the Bible?” The follow-up question is usually, “Why do they matter?”

I love reading current biographies of historical great men and women because they lend insight into the person. Doing character studies throughout Scripture accomplishes much the same with an added bonus: we glimpse the character of Christ.

For instance, Scripture contains only two books named after women: Ruth and Esther. My quest to understand Esther using this method turned into a full-blown, published Bible study. Talk about an amazing woman of faith that God used mightily! We can learn invaluable life lessons from Esther.

https://cph.idevaffiliate.com/idevaffiliate.php?id=110&url=334

Studying characters matters because their examples teach us how to actually live a life of faith:

  • Moses steadfastly led the Israelites through the desert for forty years.
  • Joseph never complained about being thrown into prison after refusing Potiphar’s wife.
  • Mary did not doubt when God told her that she would be the virgin mother of our Savior.

Character studies allow us to see how God moved in their life. How He provided for their needs, disciplined them toward success, and loved them beyond measure. He still does that today with you and me.

Pick one person and get started! You will be amazed at how relevant their experiences still are today.

Method #5: Topical Bible Study

This method is similar to the Character Study method listed above. However, instead of a person, pick a topic. Temptation, peace, addiction, and forgiveness are a few that could be tackled.

I remember as a new Christian being confused by what it meant to be “quenched” or “hydrated” by the Lord. What does “living water” mean? Years later, I used this topical Bible study method and turned that personal quest into another full-blown Bible study.

https://www.artesianministries.org/book/quenched-christs-living-water-for-a-thirsty-soul/

What topic do you long to know more about how God instructs His children? Use the concordance in the back of your Bible to find where that topic appears in Scripture. Then grab a notepad.

Read and/or write down all of those passages. What does God teach about that topic? Are common misconceptions debunked? Most importantly, meditate on how God can apply those truths to your spiritual journey.

Method #6: Memorize Scripture

Hiding God’s Word in our hearts is vital. When the enemy knocks us to the ground, God brings relevant verses to mind to comfort us and bring His peace. Scripture memorization is a crucial line of defense.

One of the first portions of Scripture I memorized was the Armor of God from Ephesians 6:10-18. The evil in this world is evident – just turn on the evening news. As His children, we need to know God has protected us from head to toe.

If you are facing a particular battle right now start with verses that speak to that situation. If you are experiencing joyful circumstances, start with passages that praise God. I wrote an entire Bible study on the armor of God because it is that important.

Yes, all of Scripture is worthy of memorizing. However, focusing on ones that directly apply to your current situation will be more meaningful. Memorization and real-time application will come easier.

Method #7: Bible Journaling (the SOAP Method)

A vital step in our faith journey is applying Scripture to our lives. A popular, helpful method appeared a few years ago called “S.O.A.P.” It stands for Scripture, Observation, Application, and Prayer.

Bible study methods

I used this method effectively when writing The God of All Comfort based on 2 Corinthians 1:3-7. Paul teaches how God comforts us in our affliction, which enables us to also offer His compassionate comfort to others.

The S.O.A.P. method is simple. Pick a section of Scripture each morning or evening during your devotion time. Using a notepad or SOAP journal:

  • Write down the Scripture passage.
  • Read through it again and record your Observations.
  • Jot down how you can Apply those truths in your life.
  • Close with Prayer asking God to make that verse personal to you.

When you come across your S.O.A.P. journals later in life and read through them, you will be amazed and encouraged by God’s faithfulness along your journey.

Method #8: Single Word Study

Have you ever wondered what the Bible says about fear? Love? Humility? Kindness? Such wondering offers a perfect opportunity to undertake a single-word study.

When I experienced divorce over a decade ago, I did not feel very loved (to say the least). One of my pastors challenged me to read through the Bible and write out every passage that talked about God’s love. WOW!

That undertaking left me without a trace of doubt about how much God loves me, even when people may not. Writing all of those love passages consumed an entire journal. If I am ever feeling unloved, I still pull out that journal. I don’t feel unloved for long.

If you desire to be more kind, I challenge you to search for every instance in Scripture where God talks about kindness. Write them out in a journal. Ask the Lord to enable you to be more kind.

God will blow you away as He works through this discipline.

Method #9: Coloring Scripture (Bible Marginalia)

Bible marginalia appeared on the scene a few years ago and has exploded in popularity. If you are an artistic person, this method is a great tool.

The premise is to meditate on a Bible verse as you highlight, color, and create art around it.

https://www.visualfaithmin.org/bible-journaling

Friends of mine have a hugely popular Visual Faith® Ministry. There are hundreds of free graphics and ideas (where I downloaded the one above) that include examples of how to highlight, color, and visually enhance your Bible reading experience.

The Bible is God’s inspired Word – a TEXT full of grace and love to you. Think of the margins as your invitation to text back your response of love, gratitude, praise, or devotion. Adding a date to your pages creates a story of your spiritual journey – and leaves behind a legacy of faith for your children and grandchildren.

Visual Faith® Ministry

The goal is to utilize your God-given artistic gifts to engage with and meditate on Scripture. Be sure to keep in mind the main purpose: meditate on that passage(s) as you use your artistic talents.

Method #10: Read Scripture Like a Novel

Right from Genesis 1, Scripture opens as an epic, cosmic tale about the heavens and the earth. We see God creating everything out of nothing. We see marital drama between Adam and Eve. Blessings and curses. Covenants. Promises. Murder. Adultery. Betrayal. War. Political subversion. Even cinematic-worthy battles.

If you are a writer or wannabe screenwriter, simply look at the account of David’s battle with Goliath in 1 Samuel 17. You can’t make that stuff up. It flat out reads like an award-winning novel.

https://cph.idevaffiliate.com/idevaffiliate.php?id=110&url=379

There are main characters, metanarrative, and deep plot development that become clearer when reading the Bible like a novel. The settings are both intimate and dramatic. The important difference? Scripture is non-fiction.

The overarching message of the Bible becomes crystal clear: God’s love towards us never fails.

If you love stories, read through the Bible like a novel. Mentally insert yourself into those stories. Visualize your surroundings. See how God challenges and rescues. Scripture comes alive!

Method #11: Pray Through the Psalms

As a new 20-something Christian struggling with how God could love someone like me, a godly mentor pointed me to the Psalms.

The Psalms put into words the hurricane of thoughts whirling in my head that I could not verbalize. She suggested that I use the Psalms as a prayer guideline.

It was a spiritual game-changer.

Every emotion that we experience can be found in the Psalms. Anger. Love. Bitterness. Praise. Confusion. Hurt. Thanksgiving. You name it, and it’s in the Psalms.

This method can be written out in a prayer journal, as well as spoken aloud. Since prayer is spoken aloud, start by reading the psalm aloud. You will hear the emotion of each psalmist.

Why do emotions matter?

God created us with emotion to move our hearts and soul beyond our comfort zones. What emotions are in the psalm? The key to relating to the Psalms is putting yourself in the place of the psalmist. Speak as if you were writing it from your own experience. Joy. Heartbreak. Victory. Loss.

King David penned almost half of the psalms. He poured his heart out to God in his writing. And as he wrote, God’s peace and comfort faithfully surrounded him. And his writing reflected it.

As you pray the Psalms aloud, God’s peace and comfort also surround your everyday life. We are verbally handing over our worries and concerns to the only One who has the power to change them.

The Psalms are also infused with worship. Worship was an integral part of the Israelite’s life. Consequently, the Psalms overflow with adoration and worship of God. If your circumstances leave you without words to worship, speak those worship Psalms aloud.

Praying and worshiping through the Psalms continues to be one of the most powerful spiritual tools that God has given us.

Method #12: Pull Out Your Biblical Maps

Understanding the geography around Biblical stories adds an important layer to studying Scripture. Years ago, a friend gave me an ESV Bible Atlas as a birthday gift and it is never far from reach.

For example, when Jacob sent his favorite son Joseph to check on his shepherding brothers, a map reveals that Joseph’s journey was between 50-60 miles. Not just up the road! Such insights lend a greater understanding of the hardships and blessings of Biblical characters.

When you realize that the Sea of Galilee is only eight miles wide by twelve miles long, we can visualize how the crowds tracked Jesus’ boat as they followed Him along the shore to experience the miraculous feeding of the five thousand (Matthew 14:13-21).

I regularly lead tours through the Holy Land. One comment repeatedly stated is that they had no idea the close proximity of some locations to others. For instance, Magdala, Tiberius, Capernaum, and the Mount of Beatitudes can be seen from an anchored boat on the Sea of Galilee.

Holy Land Tour

If you love maps, this is a very effective method of diving deeper into Scripture. Grab a Bible atlas, pick a story from Scripture, and track the character’s movements. This is particularly eye-opening in Exodus.

I have spent many hours lost in the pages of that Bible atlas seeing Scripture come to life through geography.

Method #13: Use Bible Flash Cards

Flashcards are not just for school students. As a bona fide lifelong learner, flashcards are an invaluable way to study Scripture.

When my Forgiveness Bible study was released, the publisher had the brilliant idea of offering Scripture memory cards as a companion study tool. I still keep those cards close as a reminder to keep a short account of hurts. Life is short. Forgiveness is commanded.

If you are new to the Bible in general, there are flashcards for learning the books of the Bible, significant characters, and even timelines.

This study method is a great resource if you do not have much daily time for in-depth study.

The Bottom Line

The Bible is our only true source of wisdom and knowledge. Regular studying of God’s Word provides a firm foundation to grow and strengthen your faith.

Remember to give yourself some grace as you study Scripture. You are learning the spiritual riches of a personal relationship with the Creator of the universe. It takes a lifetime.

The Bible is a life manual for all Christians. God’s Word is life-giving and life-changing. There is a reason that it is the world’s best-selling book of all time.

Above all, diligent Bible study will remind you time and again of the assurance of salvation through Jesus Christ alone. God bless your study time!

Related Posts:

About the Author
Although Donna is a sought-after Bible teacher, her path from being unchurched to become passionate about sharing Jesus was not easy. Go here to read her God-breathed journey, “From Unchurched to Becoming a Multi-Published Author and Sought-After Speaker.” If you want to send Donna a quick message, then visit her contact page here.

{Some of these links are affiliate links. This means if you make a purchase through that link, the ministry may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. Thank you for your ministry support!}

What Does the Bible Say About Adultery and Forgiveness?

Posted on by Donna Snow

“It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful” (2 Samuel 11:2, ESV).

Old Testament: King David’s Sin of Adultery

He was supposed to be out with the army. That’s what 2 Samuel 11:1 says about King David. But he decided to stay home.

He took a stroll along the rooftop and saw a beautiful young woman taking a bath. And he decided was “all in.” The rest, as they say, is history.

David lusted. Bathsheba succumbed, even though she was a married woman. David had Bathsheba’s husband Uriah murdered so he could marry her. Their sexual relationship resulted in a child. But God did not forget what took place. The price of David’s sexual immorality was the death penalty for their child.

The Collateral Damage of Adultery

So much collateral damage from one person’s act of adultery. David mistakenly thought that defiling Bathsheba’s marriage bed was above the reproach, law, or reprimand of a king.

Are you and I any different when we believe we have ultimate sovereignty over our own lives?

Adultery plagues our world today. The Ten Commandments are treated as suggestions. Whether we know a family member or friend who has suffered a wayward spouse, infidelity will likely affect every human being at one point or another. 

Teachers feel the effects and consequences of adultery in their classrooms. Kids tend to act out or their grades suffer as they process the emotional hurricane caused by their parents’ divorces. Pastors’ and counselors’ schedules stay full as they walk the victims of adultery toward God’s healing.

I do not use the word “victim” lightly. That is what adultery feels like. I know. My ex-husband was a repeat offender. The one person to whom you opened your heart, body, and mind decided on some level that you were insufficient. Whether that insufficiency stems from within or is persuaded from without, it decimates intimacy. And it decimates marriages.

What is the Definition of Adultery?

Although spiritual adultery certainly happens, I am specifically talking about sexual sins. Webster defines adultery as: “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and someone other than that person’s current spouse.”

If you have been the victim of adultery, you struggle with your identity in the world. Discarded. Less than. Not good enough. Those labels kept me up some nights. Yet Christ Jesus has given us a much more beautiful identity. Take time to memorize these Bible verses:

  • “But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12, ESV).
  • “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is” (1 John 3:1-2, ESV).

Since our identity is in Christ, extending forgiveness to someone who has committed adultery is not optional.

So How Do We Begin the Process of Extending Forgiveness?

Forgiving the deep betrayal of adultery seems impossible. It is perfectly normal to ask God how you even begin such a daunting process. Your life just exploded and all you can see is the debris. That’s when professional Christian counselors become vital.

When our emotions are screaming for vengeance, entertaining thoughts of forgiveness seems impossible. We want to cast the first stone. We may be tempted to inflate the circumstances and bear false witness.

But as God’s children, with the Spirit of our God dwelling inside of us, we understand that we do not operate in our own strength:

“But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31, ESV).

Holding on to unforgiveness creates a cage of anger and bitterness around our hearts. Taking the first step toward forgiving that betrayal is the first step to unlocking that cage toward freedom.

Adultery: One of the Hardest Acts to Forgive

Adultery ranks among the top significant hurts that are the most difficult to forgive. In fact, getting over such thing took me a solid year of counseling. Yet through the power of the Holy Spirit during that difficult time, God’s steadfast love won and forgiveness was extended.

If your marriage ended in divorce as a result of your spouse’s adultery and you are contemplating a second marriage, ensure that you have truly forgiven your ex-spouse. Otherwise, you will carry all of that ugly baggage, hurt, and bitterness into a new relationship. And that’s a recipe for disaster.

The same goes for an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend if you have engaged in premarital sex. If you are considering a new marriage (or getting married for the first time), the consequences of your ex’s lack of self-control will cause you to be suspicious of any future spouse.

New Testament: What Did Jesus Say About Forgiveness?

As Jesus was walking with His disciples in Luke 17, He paused by a sycamine tree to make a specific point about forgiveness. Why should we care about this tree and what does it have to do with forgiveness?

And the Lord said, If ye had faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye might say unto this sycamine tree, Be thou plucked up by the root, and be thou planted in the sea; and it should obey you” (Luke 17:6, KJV).

The sycamine tree had a robust root structure that plunged deep into the desert soil to tap into underground water sources. Because of its deep roots, drought or sheering it off at the base posed little threat. It was incredibly difficult to eradicate once established. It would inevitably resurface.

Scripture talks about not allowing any bitterness to take root in our hearts because eradicating unforgiveness is incredibly difficult. It grows deep, watered by any offense that lies hidden in the soil of our hearts.

Left alone, unforgiveness will establish deep roots and produce bitter fruit that surfaces through angry thoughts, words, and deeds.

But there is more. Much more.

The Sycamine Tree and Unforgiveness

The spiritual parallels between unforgiveness and the properties of the sycamine tree are chilling.

Wood from the sycamine tree was the preferred material for building coffins and caskets.

Sycamine trees grew quickly and were readily available in many places. In fact, Egyptian archaeologists have discovered small boxes made from sycamine wood at the base of mummified sarcophagi. These sycamine boxes remained uncorrupted for at least 3,000 years.

Unforgiveness remains in us, corrupting our hearts and mind until we allow God access to eradicate it.

The sycamine tree was only pollinated by wasps.

The wasp stuck its stinger into the heart of the fruit to initiate the pollination process. The tree had to be “stung” in order to reproduce. Think of how many times you have heard someone say, “I’ve been stung by that person once, but I’m not going to be stung like that again!”

You can almost see the poison of unforgiveness pollinate every bitter word they utter. Can you hear the pounding of the casket maker’s hammers?

Finally, the sycamine tree was planted where two paths met.

Its large trunk and stout branches offered shade to travelers as they paused to decide which path to take. When you and I get hurt – emotionally, mentally, or spiritually – we stand at a crossroads.

We Have a Choice

We have the choice between the dark, burdensome spiritual death sentence of unforgiveness or the Son-drenched, freeing path of forgiveness. The choice really is ours.

As children of the living God, we must believe that the process of eradicating bitter roots is never a hopeless endeavor. Jesus told His disciples in Luke 17:6 that uprooting unforgiveness is possible if a person has the faith of a grain of mustard seed.

In Him is our only hope of freedom from destructive bitterness: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8, ESV).

Since that gift of hope that the Apostle Paul talks about comes from God we have access to an abundant, unlimited supply of the poison’s antidote.

If you have ever signed a certificate of divorce, worn the label “divorced woman” or “divorced man”, the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and the blood He shed to redeem us gives us new life – eternal life. He alone is our best friend. In the kingdom of God, we wear the label, “redeemed.”

Regardless of how deep the hurt or how long we have let it reside, it is never too late to surrender our unforgiveness to God for permanent eradication.

In God’s hands, the casket maker’s career is short-lived.

I have written an entire Bible study on Forgiveness that you can find here, as well as a book/Bible study on surviving the thriving after divorce here.

Forgiveness
Without This Ring by Donna Snow

{As an Amazon Associate I may earn from qualifying purchases. Photos are obtained from Unsplash.com}

Forgiving Adultery

Posted on by Donna Snow

He was supposed to be out with the army. That’s what 2 Samuel 11:1 says about King David.

But he decided to stay home.

He took a stroll along his rooftop and saw a beautiful woman taking a bath. And the rest, as they say, is history.

David lusted. Bathsheba succumbed. David ordered Bathsheba’s husband murdered so he could marry her. They had a child.

All seemed well. But God did not forget what took place. The price of David’s sin was the life of their child.

So much collateral damage from one person who thought he was above reproach, the law, or reprimand.

Are you and I any different?

Adultery plagues our world today. Whether you have been victimized by it or know a family member or friend who has suffered a wayward spouse, infidelity affects us all.

Infidelity frays the fabric of families.

Teachers feel the effects in their classrooms when kids act out or grades slip as they process the emotional hurricane caused by their parents’ divorces.

Pastors’ and counselors’ schedules stay full as they walk the victims of adultery toward God’s healing.

I don’t use the word victim lightly. That’s what adultery feels like.

The one person to whom you opened your heart, body, and mind decided on some level that you were insufficient. Whether that insufficiency stems from within or is persuaded from without, it decimates intimacy.

Adultery ranks among the top significant hurts that are the most difficult to forgive. But that’s not news. The real news is that “victim” is not our identity when we are in Christ.

And if we are in Christ, forgiveness is not optional. Ugh. Believe me, I understand how much that stinks to hear when you’re sleeping single in a double bed.

Forgiving the deep betrayal of adultery seems impossible. How do you even begin such a daunting process?

I asked that question several times. When our emotions are screaming for vengeance, entertaining thoughts of forgiveness seems impossible. But as God’s children, we do not operate in our own strength.

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

If you’ve experienced adultery, you will feel weary and faint. But rely on HIS strength.

People question when I say, “Through gritted teeth, I asked God to help me forgive my ex-husband.” That’s because forgiveness is an intentional act of the will.

When I kept asking God to help me forgive my ex-husband instead of dwelling on his actions, God focused my thoughts on Him, not the hurt.

God sets our heart right when we focus on the Lord and surrender toxic emotions to Him. (Colossians 3:2, Proverbs 3:6).

So how do you walk toward forgiveness?

Begin with prayer. Pray for God to heal your shattered heart and mend your broken spirit. Over and over and over.

It may seem as if you’re trying to convince yourself that you’re worth such love. God says you are.

Healing takes endless hours poring through Scripture. The verses God used powerfully in my life during that time were Psalm 18:16–19.

No matter our hurt, its depth or its breadth, God rescues us. Why? Because “He delighted in me.” That’s it. No other credential necessary.

Your worth is not stained by those who hurt you.

Your lovability factor is not decreased by his or her actions.

You are completely and wholly loved by God regardless of external circumstances.

When we endure painful seasons, knowing that Christ is our strength gives purpose to our pain. God never wastes a hurt. He will use that brokenness for our good and His glory.

Forgiveness doesn’t let them off the hook. Forgiveness frees you from the narrative of hate.

Ask God to help you forgive your adulterous spouse.

Keep asking.

Not because God doesn’t hear you, but to keep your focus on Him.

Keep focused.

In Christ alone, you will find hope, healing, and the strength to forgive.

 

*This post is an excerpt from my new book, Forgiveness: Received From God, Extended to Others, available now.

Without This Ring by Donna Snow

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Extinguishing the Flames of Anger

Posted on by Donna Snow

When Demi Lovato’s album Unbroken released six years ago, the album title intrigued me.

At the time, I was struggling with anger following my divorce.

I don’t know much about Demi’s history or music, other than her incredible vocal range. I listened to the songs carefully to find out how she developed the album’s theme.

She wrote one of the songs to her dad, pleading for him to put down the alcohol and keep his selfish hands off his daughter. It broke my heart. How awful.

Suddenly the stories that circulated on the Internet over the years about Demi entering rehab for cutting and bulimia made sense. The powerless trying to regain control.

So what does this have to do with anger?

In the music video for that particular song, Demi demonstrates that she is using the power of success to overcome her painful past.

Paraphrased, Demi’s lyrics basically say, “Go ahead and try to tear me down, but I will rise from the ground like a skyscraper.”

It’s a popular mind-set in our culture that says, “If you hurt me, I don’t get angry and take revenge; I become successful to prove that you can’t hurt me anymore.”

However, such a mind-set is commonly driven by unresolved anger. We resolve to become indestructible skyscrapers, but have we dealt with what happened at the foundation?

God set the example by being slow to anger (Exodus 34:6, Psalm 30:5). Anger is a volatile emotion that must be handled with kid gloves.

One day during my divorce process, I telephoned my television cable provider to switch the service from both of our names to mine only.

The customer service representative could not seem to understand that my husband was unavailable to approve my request, even after telling her that my husband no longer lived in our home and would not be returning.

I reached the breaking point.

I shouted something about her being too deaf to hear and too dense to understand, slammed down the phone’s receiver, yanked the whole thing out of the wall, and threw it across the bedroom with all my might. It left a perfect, telephone-shaped hole in the sheet rock.

That was not a proud moment on many levels.

My over-the-top anger vividly taught me that anger can cause damage—literally. That day I asked God to remove those sharp, angry edges and begin the process of mending my heart.

I prayed for that poor customer service rep whose hair I set aflame and asked God’s forgiveness.

If you struggle with anger, it takes intentional time in prayer and God’s Word to remove it.

At one point during her video, Demi looks defiantly into the camera as if to say, “You tried to rip me down, but my sweetest revenge will be in-your-face success.”

That mind-set likely resonates with us at some level because all of us have been hurt. Whether someone betrayed a trust, shared a secret, or physically hurt us, we get it.

Sometimes we feel the need to prove that we can rise like a skyscraper above painful adversity.

But we will not find resurrection apart from Jesus.

Anger is appropriate if we’ve been hurt, but many of us take it further. Sometimes, we add coals of bitterness and resentment and stoke our anger with dreams of vengeance.

But the truth is that we never master the flame.

Fire doesn’t work that way. It doesn’t just scorch those who hurt you—it scorches you. Eventually, it will consume your life (Psalm 37:8).

Anger itself is not a sin. However, it may become sinful when excessive or prolonged.

When we hold on to anger and bitterness, the conflagration eventually destroys us from the inside out. Evil wins.

So how do we properly respond to our wounds when we are surrounded by an outrage-obsession culture?

We don’t resolve to throw telephones across the room or build skyscrapers.

We choose to forgive.

And only God gives us the strength for that hard task.

Forgiveness is the only way to extinguish the flames of anger and once again put your feet on the path toward joy.

Surrender your anger to God.

Let Him build a skyscraper of grace in your life, built on the foundation of forgiveness.

 

*This post is an excerpt from my new book, Forgiveness: Received from God, Extended to Others, available now.

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Revenge: Drop the Jawbone

Posted on by Donna Snow

Samson had an anger problem. Well, maybe he just never learned how to process anger well.

In Judges 15, an incident between Samson and his father-in-law eventually escalated into battles involving nations and the slaughter of thousands of innocent people.

All because of revenge.

When Samson returned home to his wife after a time away, he learned that his father-in-law (thinking Samson hated his wife) gave her to Samson’s companion. To add insult to injury, his father-in-law then offered his other daughter to Samson.

In a rage, Samson declared war on the Philistines (his father-in-law’s people) by torching their grain fields and olive orchards (Judges 15:1-5). The destruction affected the Philistines both economically and religiously, because they believed in gods of harvest, among others. In retaliatory revenge, the Philistines burned Samson’s wife and father-in-law to death (Judges 15:6). Ironic.

Samson vowed not to stop his rampage until he exacted revenge for his wife and father-in-law. He subsequently attacked and slaughtered many Philistines (Judges 15:7–8).

The Philistines retaliated by hunting down Samson, attacking the town of Lehi on the way. Three thousand men of Judah confronted the Philistines to ask why they were coming against them. When the Philistines named Samson as the culprit, the men of Judah found Samson and handed him over (Judges 15:9–13).

But Samson wasn’t finished. He picked up the jawbone of a donkey and killed one thousand men with it. One thousand men. All of this destruction and mayhem started with Samson, his father-in-law, and a goat.

Why are we so bent toward revenge? What is it that makes revenge alluring?

When it comes to revenge there are two basic types:

Active revenge: This kind of revenge moves aggressively toward our offenders. Perhaps a family member says something derogatory about your spouse. You immediately take offense and start telling the rest of the family about their many faults (whether secret or not). Active revenge always hurts far more people than we realize.

Passive revenge: This kind of revenge deceptively looks like forgiveness. Passive revenge does not move aggressively toward the offender, but takes the form of withholding, cold shoulders, or secretly celebrating when something negative happens to them. It is forgiveness lip service, not a genuine movement toward it.

Revenge tells God, “You’re in my seat.” When I choose to take revenge, I alone determine the severity of a person’s transgression, the proper method of punishment, and the time frame in which it needs to occur. Revenge inflates the ego because I alone determine that God is not moving fast enough or meting out what I believe is appropriate judgment. Consequently, I take matters into my own hands and execute judgment. Revenge means failing to entrust my wound to God’s justice.

Revenge always escalates. An offense can start with something as small as the rolling of eyes at someone’s behavior in a social setting. But it doesn’t end with reciprocated rolling eyes. It always escalates. Remember Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet? The feud between the Capulets and the Montagues was “bred on an airy [misspoken] word.” Multiple civil brawls later, Romeo and Juliet died in their efforts to be together.

Revenge always inflames and creates an inflated ego that says, “I have the right to pay back the hurt they inflicted on me.” And back and forth it goes.

Forgiveness begins when you drop the jawbone.

When you find yourself in a situation where there is a nonstop back and forth, decide to put down the jawbone of revenge and back away. Forgiveness starts by refusing to participate in the game and stepping forward to end it.

Maybe we need to ask ourselves how much revenge is enough until we feel better? until our anger subsides?

The anger we feel from pain makes revenge seem logical. But anger can escalate quickly into rage and even hatred. Anger is an impossible blockade on the road toward forgiveness. That blockade can be removed only when we surrender the underlying pain to God for healing.

God takes our pain on Himself, so use God as the lightning rod for your anger. The psalmists did exactly that in Psalms 7; 10; 17; and 28. God alone is our avenger. Remember Job? There are dozens of places in the book where Job unloads his anger, frustration, and wounds onto God, along with a little sarcasm (Job 10:3). God can take all of those emotions and knows best how to handle them.

When someone wrongs us, instead of groping for a verbal weapon, reach for the Word of God: “praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance” (Ephesians 6:18).

Instead of hitting our enemy, we can hit our knees. We can pray earnestly for God to heal our pain, remove our anger, and work forgiveness in us so we can extend it wholeheartedly to those who hurt us.

Instead of feeding our hurt, we can feed our heart. Relentlessly confess, repent, lay your hurt at His Table, and receive His forgiveness that refreshes.

God alone is our righter of wrongs. The power or responsibility does not lie with us (Romans 12:19).

Forgiveness relinquishes all rights to punish our wounders and give them over to Christ. God is a God of justice as much as a God of love. Forgiveness does not mean that our wounders get off the hook; it recognizes that we are not the righteous judge of sin. That authority belongs to Christ alone.

Follow Jesus, not the path of revenge.

Drop the jawbone.

It stinks to high heaven.

Literally.

**The winner of the Forgiveness book release giveaway is CAROL ALBERTS!  I’ll reach out to you today, Carol. Congratulations and God’s blessings! **

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“Forgiveness” Book Release & Giveaway

Posted on by Donna Snow

   

These are the days when our culture seems to embrace rage. But we look around at the brokenness and perhaps we wonder … don’t we all need a whole lot more forgiveness?

We turn on the TV or scroll through social media and see drama-filled outrage over things that will be forgotten by dinner. And I can’t help but ask: why are we so angry? What cut our fuse so short that we’re constantly blasted and damaged?

Perhaps it’s time that we look each other in the eye and admit we need each other — that forgiveness paves a better way. A holier road.

But how do we handle the pain we can’t contain? those memories that track us down like blood hounds on a scent?

Maybe what overwhelms us the most is feeling like no one understands.

Been there, done that. Hence, this book.

Because rage will cage us unless we forgive.

If there’s one thing I’ve come to understand is forgiving is an act of giving: For God so loved — He gave. 

Forgiving gives life. Forgiveness restores freedom. Not for our offenders. For us.

I’ve lived the rage and know that forgiveness has radically transformed my life. When we trust Him, God can turn our anger into outrageous abundance.

After struggling and failing, and learning and growing, very slowly, I started to write. Does forgiveness make any sense in a raging world? In a raging heart?

Yes, it most certainly can.

And I didn’t even know if writing this made sense, so I reached out to people much wiser than I. They affirmed then, and they affirm now — if the world doesn’t see forgiveness from God’s people and among God’s people, they won’t see it at all.

I mean how can people learn if the examples are huddled and trembling behind locked doors like the disciples after Jesus was crucified?

So these wonderfully wise people, here’s what they said:

“Turn these pages, immerse yourself in God’s comforting, refining Word, and walk with Donna away from the burden of bitterness and into the liberating lightness of forgiveness.” —Michelle DeRusha, author of Katharina and Martin Luther: The Radical Marriage of a Runaway Nun and a Renegade Monk

“Readers will want to grab a journal to document the lessons and Bible verses the author encourages readers to write down, helping to imprint God’s truths.” —Jan Wendorf, Past LWML President

“Donna…uses Scripture and beautiful language to remind us of the power of Jesus at work in us, making forgiveness in every relationship possible.” —Angie Goeke, author, musician, speaker

“She recognizes the losses involved in forgiveness and she doesn’t shy away from calling out the lies and cultural myths that stand as barriers to forgiveness and freedom.” —Heidi Goehmann, author, speaker, deaconess

“In this study Donna helps us better understand the forgiveness God lavishly offers to all through Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross, and how He desires for us to live forgiven and forgiving lives. ” —Rev. John and Debra Heckmann, St. Paul Lutheran Church, The Grove, Texas

“I wasn’t aware of the unforgiveness packed deep in my heart. … As I read the book I was better equipped to break through the walls that were built in my heart.” —Mia Koehne, Singer/Songwriter, Host of Aspire Women’s Event Tour

So I hold this book out to you with hope-filled hands, praying that God uses it to open the cages of rage and usher in the freedom of forgiveness. And to celebrate…

I’m giving away a grand prize to one lucky subscriber:

  • Two signed copies of Forgiveness: Received From God, Extended to Others (one to keep, one to share)
  • A brand new Kindle e-reader: black, 6-inch, Wi-Fi enabled, glare-free touch screen
  • A set of four Scripture mugs to share coffee with your Forgiveness study group
  • A $25 Amazon gift card
  • Two sets of Forgiveness scripture cards

TO WIN:

  • Subscribe to this blog (look to the right)
  • Comment below and let me hear your thoughts on the topic of forgiveness
  • Share this book release link and tag me on your social media channels (each share generates an additional entry)

The winner will be announced on Tuesday’s regularly-scheduled blog post.

I pray that God uses Forgiveness in ways only He can fathom or imagine to transform our raging culture to a forgiving one. It’s such an honor to serve you, friends. Thank you.

Join me tonight for a Facebook livestream book launch celebration!